When dating begins to resemble daytime T.V.

Mason Kimbarov/ Unsplash

Last summer, an acquaintance I’d always found attractive asked me out. Since we knew so many of the same people, I figured it was a sort of insurance that we’d both be on our best behavior.

I was living in a small beach town at that time, and the dating scene was like the six degrees of Kevin Bacon, minus five degrees. Everyone knew everyone, it seemed, and if you kissed one person, you’d learn that at some point they’d probably kissed your neighbor, or coworker, etc. In a town of 10,000 people, this happens a lot.

We got along…

And why “sparks” should perhaps be called “explosives.”

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I was the queen of dating emotionally unavailable people, and sometimes, straight up scrubs (financial wrecks, guys that lived with their parents, a couple of alcoholics, and others with mental health issues that they were not dealing with. It’s been an adventure.) I’ve pined. I’ve wept. I’ve gone back to therapy.

I also pushed away guys I later realized were secure, available, and loving, who had their life together because I just “didn’t feel that spark.” That spark, though, is sometimes your childhood trauma talking.

The First Step is Admitting You Have a Problem

Here’s the thing; If you relate to this, and you keep asking yourself, friends, the…

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“Gratitude turns what we have into enough.” -Melody Beattie

Gratitude is like the North Star to happiness. It can wipe out anger at a moments notice, and help you CTFO when nothing seems to be going right.

If you want to be happy, you have to be grateful. It is one of the most valuable tools we have, and when practiced regularly, will train your brain to see the good, realize how privileged you are, and (for the most part) stop zooming in on everything that’s not exactly as we want it to be. Plus, it’s free.

Gratitude allows us…

It’s hard out there being human.

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It’s hard out there being human. We’re bombarded with messages that tell us we’re not good enough, and we often end up believing it, too, in the name of someone making a buck.

I used to walk with slumped shoulders because I felt guilty for being tall, and didn’t want to make others uncomfortable with my existence. Just typing that feels cringey, but it was true. I dressed in drab colors I didn’t even like because I wanted to blend in, not cause a stir, or shine too bright. I often got drunk just to feel at ease in my…

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Perhaps you’re practicing mindful drinking and you slip up and drink your feelings and two bottles of wine. Maybe you’re working on loving yourself and you’re internal dialogue is rife with bullying all day long. You might be welcoming in healthy, loving relationships, and you decide to phone up your toxic ex. You’re trying to eat healthy except… not this week. You’re overcoming disordered eating, but falling back into old habits. You’re working on a new project, but you keep procrastinating. You’re slipping up. And that’s ok.

You are allowed to backslide. You are allowed to make mistakes while you…

Elly Johnson/ Unsplash

Self care has become a bit of a buzzword these days, and sure, it can be an excuse for marketers to convince you to drop $500 on shoes, or buy more stuff you don’t need, and maybe it’s fun to do that once in a blue moon, but what if we re-framed self care as a radical act that actually serves the collective?

In order to better serve others and the world, our cups must be full. In order to make positive and radical change, we need to recharge and avoid burnout. We do this through self care.

When we…

Lucas Sankey/ Unsplash

It’s ok to feel sad, tired, or worn out right now. It’s ok if you’re struggling, or if the days all seem to bleed together. It’s ok if you can’t always see the light at the end of the tunnel.

The light is always there in the distance, but some days the fog makes it harder to see.

We’ve experienced tremendous grief this year around the globe. It’s been heavy and exhausting, and so it’s ok if that’s how you’re feeling. It makes sense.

Life is hard enough without a pandemic. But here we are. And you know what? We’re…

Mohammad Metri/ Unsplash

“People are probably not happy with their lives if they are busy discussing yours.”

No one likes to be at the center of nasty gossip, relentless criticism, or mean spiritedness. It goes against our nature.

When we were cave men and women, being socially rejected could mean life or death, as it could affect our access to food, water, and resources. If the guy with the warmest bear skin blankets hates us, we’re probably going to be cold at night. If the best fisherman in town thinks we’re a schmuck, we have improve our foraging skills.

So, subconsciously, social rejection…

Verne Ho/ Unsplash

Sometimes we get so excited for particular outcomes, that we are devastated when they don’t turn out the way we expected.

Maybe you’re going through a period in your life where it feels like you can’t catch a break, and you know that when it rains it pours, but this feels more like a monsoon.

Perhaps you just feel off your game, and you’ve been struggling to find the light. Maybe you’ve been behaving in a way you’re not proud of, and you’re unsure how to stop.

Sometimes we lose our jobs, our lovers, we’re separated from our family and…

It’s free, it’s easy, and it can change the course of your day

Fabian Moller/ Unsplash

Life likes to throw us surprises, and the past year has felt like a storage room full of surprise fireworks has gone up in flames. The surprises are loud, dangerous, flammable, and numerous.

With life changing on a daily basis, many of us are stepping up our self care and mental health routines to alleviate some of the pressure and stress. Others have become nannies, teachers, cooks, and work full time, and have no idea how to get everything done. …

Sarah Saweikis

Writer, blogger, and artist exploring psychology and living well. Embrace the weird, and allow complexity. SarahSaweikis.com @sarahsaweikis on IG

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